Caught Cheating

An affair is a betrayal no matter how you’d like to candy coat it. It is lying and disloyalty to one’s partner or lover. Infidelity may be sexual or emotional in nature and doesn’t necessarily involve physical contact. During an affair, this coul involve physical separation, but it causes an emotional detachment as well. Emotional abandonment happens when you lose your partner’s trust through lying or not being completely honest. The betrayal of infidelity inflicts deep pain that is difficult to repair and sometimes there is nothing to do to get past this damage. Soon, the relationship withers to it’s end. There are many things that can occur after an affair. If you are married, an infidelity could lead to divorce. If you are in a committed relationship, it could lead to a break up.

So what happens after an affair occurs in your relationship?

There are distinct stages a relationship goes through after infidelity.

1. Roller Coaster phase. This is the phase where strong emotions arise. Deep emotions like resentment and hating yourself is often followed by remembering the destroyed relationship and longing for the way things used to be. Just like it says, your emotions go crazy; up and down, round and round until it’s impossible to figure out how you truly feel about the cheating.
2. Standstill Phase. This is a less emotional phase, at least for the person who was cheated upon. In this phase, the person affected tries to make sense of the betrayal. They may ask for more detail about the affair or retreat completely until they need answers once again.
3. Reconnect Phase. Although many relationships never get this far after an affair, both people might decide that their love is simply too strong to be ruined by cheating.
4. Trust Rebuilding Phase. This happens when the couple has decided to stay together and promise to make a commitment to make things work this time. During this phase, the couple really tries to make their marriage or relationship work. They decide that a continued commitment to their relationship is important and with time, eventually forgiveness and trust can be achieved.

After an affair happens, you may still find yourself doubting your partner and questioning if you made the right choice to bring them back. Don’t lose heart, there is hope. Here are some signs that may indicate if a person is still worthy of your love.

• Expresses sincere remorse and regret for cheating on you
• Heartfelt apologies feel true when you hear them
• Accepts total blame for his or her betrayal
• Cuts off all contact with the third party
• Shows a renewed appreciation, admiration, respect and devotion to only you
• Displays a willingness and openness to talk about what happened
• Is willing and eager to go into marriage counseling with you

If both of you are willing to participate in a deep, open, and honest conversation regarding your relationship and where you want to go from here, there is a good chance you will be able to fight through these problems and come out the other side much stronger than you ever were before.

If this is the path you have decided to take, don’t do it alone! Make sure you have the best information possible to save your relationship. Without this knowledge, it will feel like you are fighting alone in the dark and it will take you much longer to make it to forgiveness.

What if it’s truly over?

If it looks like things have been damaged beyond repair and your partner is not showing any of the possible reconcilement signs listed above, it’s time to break it off immediately! There is no sense on holding on to someone who hurt you and isn’t sorry.

You should also look out for these signs that the relationship cannot survive. Your partner seems to be more agitated than usual and seems to emotionally and physically withdraw from you. They may go out alone more often or working late hours. They may try to blame you for what they did.

If several of these things are occurring, then most probably your partner is still cheating on you. If you can find concrete evidence of this infidelity, then it’s probably a good idea to break up. A relationship that is based on lies is doomed.

After an affair occurs, be aware of any signs that may indicate your partner’s willingness to stay and work it out or clear intention to follow along the path of continued betrayal. Just be careful and pay attention. Make the best decision for you. If it’s over, there’s not much more you can do but try to heal your broken heart.