Stop Cheating: What to do After the AffairBy admin
Infidelity ruins so many marriages and relationships. If you got caught cheating, but you are truly sorry and want to make things work, it’s time to learn how to stop cheating. Making the commitment to remain faithful, to rebuild their trust, and save your marriage after cheating takes a lot of willpower, but it’s not impossible to break the cycle of infidelity. Break free from the person you have a connection with and rebuild your marriage.
Why do you cheat?
There can be any number of reasons you cheat, but many of the common ones are:
- History. It’s what your parents did. If this is the only example of how relationships work you grew up with, you are less likely to see it as devastating to your partner.
- Revenge. Maybe you think your spouse was cheating and you want your revenge
- Genetics. Studies have shown that women are most likely to cheat when they are ovulating. There is a basic drive for men to spread their seed and for women to get impregnated by a genetically superior man (who is often not the “provider” husband).
- Opportunity. Sometimes a situation appears and you go for it. Never underestimate the power of desire to feel wanted.
- Chemistry. Sometimes you meet someone who you just “click” with. Sparks fly and soon things just happen. It would be an incredible romance… if you weren’t already married or in a serious relationship.
Of course, there are millions of reasons why people cheat, but the reasons to stop cheating are pretty simple: you have incredible someone in your life that you will lose unless you get this problem sorted out.
It is hard to give up cheating because it is like an addiction. Sometimes the desire for the things you can’t have is way too intoxicating. It’s like sharing a fun secret with someone who is completely different than your spouse. You keep telling yourself that your spouse would never understand this side of you like your lover, but deep inside you know that nothing will ever come of this affair. This makes things even more fun because of the “fantasy” of it. Since you never deal with this person on a day-to-day basis, you never really have to deal with their real issues.
Ways to stop cheating
1. Figure out why you’ve been unfaithful. People have all kinds of emotional or physical reasons for infidelity, getting to the bottom of how you got yourself into this situation is the first step to learning how to avoid it in the future. If you want to stop cheating on your partner, ask yourself what caused you to be unfaithful. “Because I felt like it” is a completely viable reason, but why did you feel like it. Perhaps it’s been awhile since you felt attractive and passionate and your spouse hasn’t been doing their job in this arena. Maybe , for once in a long while, you felt understood. Whatever you discover, keep this thought in your head and try to determine if this is something you can get from your spouse.
2. Figure out how to get these feelings from your spouse. There are some things that your husband or wife will simply never do whether it’s an emotional need or a physical kink. To stop cheating on your partner, find healthy ways to create similar situations you had in the emotional or physical affair. Let’s say you felt an incredible magnetism with your lover. Maybe some serious flirting with your spouse is in order. The basic idea is to find ways to meet your desires with the person you have made a commitment to.
3. Expect things to take time, but you are in it for the long haul. If you were caught cheating, your spouse will have a lot of soul searching to do. They have to decide if they can ever forgive you, if they can trust you again, and if you are truly honest about your desire to stop cheating. Maybe they have already left you, in this case you should be active working on getting your ex back.
4. Break it off with your lover. Don’t even do the “one last meeting” to tell them it’s over. Temptation got you into this mess, don’t keep putting yourself in the way of temptation. If you are chronic cheater, you will have to avoid any situations where you can be bad. Who knows? You might even have to get a new job for the sake of your marriage.
5. Love your spouse. Understand that people react to the pain of betrayal in very different ways and he or she may make you feel really bad about what you have done. If you accept that you made a mistake and are never going to do it again, the only other thing is to focus all of your attention on your true love. You must be mature about this and expect that there will be setbacks in regaining their trust, but as long as you stay focused, you can save your marriage.
6. Get some great advice. There is absolutely no reason to stumble through this time trying to re-invent the wheel. There are some incredible resources on saving your marriage and making it stronger. Of course, you can do this without great advice, but why make the hurt last longer than it has to?
You can break free of those desires to cheat and actually stop cheating as long as you are completely honest with yourself and don’t make any excuses as to why you did what you did. Take charge of your own emotions, understand what motivated you to cheat in the past and make a solid promise to yourself to stop cheating. Only then can you truly save your marriage.